1000 Beers

march 8

[recorded on iPhone Notepad]
61/1000 "Romulan Ale"

J Well, we're at Quark's star trek diner in the las vegas hilton. We'll be sampling the romulan ale. Be afraid.
M isn't romulan... Isn't it two planets? Like Romulus and Remus? Which one is it from?
J I looked at the bottle... Its brewed in central America.
M its hard not to remark on the color of this beer
J they're fduxking green.
M mmm that's cold.
J its really familiar. I could almost name what beer they're copying.

M its not sweet like budweiser, but it is really light. Is it a pabst?
J it reminds me of one of those Asian beers that all taste the same. I'm glad the head isn't green. That would be gross. I can't believe this is the first liquid to pass my lips today.
M let's talk about quark's. I find a lot of inconsistencies. The star fleet logo everywhere? In quark's? He's not part of star fleet!
J excellent point. They clearly couldn't find a ferengi architect to design the place.
M oh my there's a real ferengi walking around.
J make sure you know where your latinim is!
M when are our hamborgers going to show up?
J I think they'll bring out the best in the romulan beer.

58/1000 Goliath

ME: All of our beers are Belgian, so the things we'll say about all of them: There's a heavy load of wheat. A grain. All these beers have that in common. They ferment in a way that makes me think, "This beer
has gone bad."
MM: When I smell this, I'm reminded of cream of wheat, actually.
JB: I sort of think of this as a milder, summer Belgian.
ME: When you associate seasons with a beer -- when you say it's a "summer beer," that basically means you could drink a shitload of it, right?
JB: Yeah! Versus a winter beer, which is going to be thick, dark, a bit fruity, high alcohol content, something that warms you...
ME: When summer comes, my mores associated with beer totally change. It's 6:30? I'm drunk already.
JB: Anything else we want to say?
ME: It's a Trippel, she says. I don't know what that means. It's a cultural thing.
MM: And there are the monks. The trappist monks. I want to make a list of all the foods that are made by religious organizations.

59/1000 Nostradamus

JB: This is like the most delicious candy I've ever had. Which isn't to say it's really sweet... it just gives up all its flavor immediately, and then it goes away.
ME: If it were a candy, it would be like a Wurther's, something your grandpa had. Where you're like, "They still make these, I thought they stopped after World War 2." I think of caramel.
JB: So when we get a caramel taste out of this, it probably actually has caramelized sugars in it. Sugars that have been cooked and caramelized.
ME: Oh, very literal. That makes sense, though.
MM: I like this because there's still a lightness to it. This flavor I mostly associate with heavier, darker beers. But in this, it stays light. I would order this again.
JB: In a second! This is a new favorite, without question.

60/1000: Cantillon Kriek Rose de Gambrinus

JB: Mike, you should have the first drink of this.
MM: Oh, man, immediately the smell makes me think that you are going to hate this beer.
JB: I ordered it for you. I know you're going to like this sour beer.
MM: This is a bit more drinkable than the last lambics we had.
ME: There is a definite sour patch kid taste to this. There is a range of tastes that are just supposed to be bad.
JB: Most of those that we think of are bitter. But we've totally gotten beyond that, we're comfortable drinking bitter things. Sour is sort of uncharted country.
ME: Somehow biologically, these flavors are a warning, and we have to get beyond that reaction to enjoy it.
JB: Bitter things are often poison, and sour things are not ready to eat yet. Like unripe berries.
ME: This flavor does have a lot in common with unripe berries.
MM: When I was a kid, we'd pick blueberries whether they were ready or yet, and we'd eat them. And I loved that! Maybe this is related to why I like these sour beers.

940 to go!

JB: We are about to drink a "flight" of eight New Old Lompoc beers. Can you feel the excitement?
MM: Yes.
JB: Where should we start? Wasn't there a 5%? Ah, Golden Ale.

50/1000: Fool's Golden Ale, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

MM: I hope this beer is as delicious as our quest to drink 1,000 beers. That's a toast, to this, our 50th beer!
[clink!]
JB: They say, "our lightest ale." Perhaps a good one for the ladies.
MM: And Mike!
JB: Really, this beer speaks to you?
MM: In a "I want to chug a couple pints of it" kind of way.
JB: Yeah, summer.
MM: I'm getting really pumped on the idea of summer beers in general, maybe because we've been doing a lot of heavy, hearty beers.
JB: Chewy ones?
MM: Yeah. There's... no flavor really, then a bit of aftertaste. It's really light!
JB: I'm sorry, honestly, no flavor.
MM: I think this would be good, paired with water. Any other flavor would overpower it!
JB: Maybe with a saltine? Peanut?
MM: Maybe, you don't want to go too far. I honestly do like this, so I don't want to talk bad about it. It fits on the tray. It has its place.
JB: Nextly:

51/1000: Condor Bay Ale, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

JB: (toasting) To the condor.
MM: To the condor.
JB: Mild.
MM: This is an ongoing trend here. Time to kick it up a notch, guys.
JB: Well, I'm going to let myself be distracted by food for a bit.
MM: It's going to be hard to say something interesting about this beer! It doesn't taste very different!
JB: It's a little hoppier. A little.
MM: If we came back here in the summer, I would be like, "Which of these is the awesome summertime one?" And I don't think it would matter which one I picked.

52/1000: 69 Dark Lager, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

JB: Get it while it lasts, folks.
MM: It's seasonal. Deliciously seasonal.
JB: It's portery. But still mild. I'm fond of it!
MM: I thought it was going to be a lot more difficult.
JB: That's potentially a theme here, but we haven't into the HUGE imperial pale ale, and all. So like, fruity, but next to no bitterness. But not sweet!
MM: That's the weird part of it.
JB: I love that about it. Sweet beers are not my thing.
MM: We've just done three, but this is the favorite so far.

53/1000: Proletariat Red, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

MM: I like the name. I don't even know what a proletariat is. Is it a political person? It seems vaguely revolutionary.
JB: It means the working class. The people. As opposed to the elite.
MM: And it's red, so it's like communist.
JB: This beer is hard to classify...What does it taste like?
MM: There's something familiar about it, but I can't figure out what. It smells something like the Duchess of Bourgogne. I don't think I would want a pint of this.
JB: I have to figure out something to say about it.
MM: I don't think this is the people's beer.
JB: I'm in love with the smell of this beer, but then it doesn't follow through. The smell's actually very alcoholic.
MM: There's a medicinal smell. If that smell was translated more into the flavor, I don't know that it would be a good thing.
JB: So maybe it strikes the balance, between offering that smell, but not fully infusing it in the beer. I think we're going to leave this one deeply conflicted and confused.
MM: Let's make a note to come back to this beer.

54/1000: Sockeye Cream Stout, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

MM: I like things on nitro! I don't fully understand how that system works, but I know it makes those beers smooth. I want to try every beer on nitro. Like Pabst. What would Pabst be like on nitro?
JB: You understand that nitro --
MM: It's nitro versus CO2.
JB: Yeah. They're both compressed gases. But the CO2 as a propellant also is absorbed by the beer and keeps it highly carbonated. The nitrogen doesn't do the same thing. You might also like the hand-pumped cask beer that Bridgeport, for instance, does.
MM: Can you get nitro for your kegerator?
JB: I know you can get it for your Honda CRX. But I don't know about the kegerator.
[drinks]
MM: Oh, Willow. Where's Willow?
(Willow: It's chocolately.)
MM: I was telling her today that that's her catch phrase.
JB: I'm getting cherry. Like the dried soaked-in-something-good cherry.
MM: It's good we're drinking this warmer. Cold, we would be complaining about it being much too mild.
JB: Is this what New Old Lompoc does, though?
MM: We've got a trend here, yeah. It might be a good place to bring new beer drinkers. They can learn about several, but without being overwhelmed by them.
JB: Yeah, you can go through the styles and learn, without finding any of them off-putting or offensive. And the next time you have them...
MM: You've learned about what to expect, and it's not a shock to your system.

55/1000: Centennial India Pale Ale, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

MM: Whoa, that has flavor.
JB: Ah, true IPA.
MM: It tastes toasted.
JB: I could go nice and slow with this, it lingers. I've had one sip, and it still sits on my tongue.
MM: It's there on the hump of your tongue.
JB: What part is the hump?
MM: I imagine a tongue being an arc from the back to the front, like a rainbow. With the middle being the peak. I think in the cartoons, it's always shaped like that. The part this beer sits on is the top of the rainbow.
JB: Okay. This is particularly flavorful for such a bitter, full-on IPA. I recommend it. I recommend this beer.

56/1000: LSD (Lompoc Strong Draft), by New Old Lompoc, Portland

JB: On the menu, it said this was a new cult classic.
MM: That seems bold.
JB: I'm not comfortable with it. Okay, no smell... No real taste either.
MM: We're back to the first couple. The classic Lompoc "flavor".
JB: I don't think this is the new cult beer. Man, I am getting nothing off this.
MM: No, this is is really really...
JB: Really really what?
MM: I was going to say boring. They say "a touch of smoked malt." I do get a bit of that in the aftertaste.

57/1000: C-Note, by New Old Lompoc, Portland

MM: Before we even start, can I say some things? I love that they're listing the hops that they use. Crystal --
JB: Wait, that 's a famous one.
MM: Cascade.
JB: That, too.
MM: Chinook. Centennial.
JB: I think Centennial's well-known.
MM: Columbus. And Challenger. Which is all of the "C" hops.
JB: Wait, is that an accident?
MM: No! That's why it's called the C-Note! Conceptually, this is my favorite beer, ever! Also, I think all beers should list the hops they use.
[drinks]
JB: Hoppy as hell! I love this.
MM: This is only remarkable because of the other 7 mild beers. I don't think it's remarkable outside of Hedge House.
JB: Well, it's a breath of fresh air, and I like it. I like this beer. It's as described. It's a big, bitter, full IPA.
MM: For the order that we went through, this is definitely the finisher. On a high note. A high C-Note. A C-sharp!
JB: This entry, in whole, reads kind of harsh on New Old Lompoc.
MM: You have to put it context of all the beer we've been drinking. And these are mild in comparsion to those. And our expectation at this point is pretty powerful beers. It's what we like to talk about. But this place is very approachable, and that's important.

Just 943 to go!

Note: This special edition of 1000 Beers was conducted via instant messaging technology. Both drinkers acquired the same pair of beers at their local Plaid Pantry convenience store, drinking and discussing the beers from their respective homes.

Josh Berezin: I'm going to go get beer and a glass. Well, a glass for each beer. The way we are supposed to.
Mike Merrill: I'm drinking out of the bottle! We've never done that!
Josh Berezin: This ain't an out-of-the-bottle type of gig.

48/1000: Tiger Lager, from Singapore

Josh Berezin: First of all, you have got to appreciate the packaging on Tiger. Cool logo. Foil around the top. Nice logo cap.
Mike Merrill: Oh yeah, you know I like the packaging! It's got medals on it, foil, a great logo, and even has a touch of class
Josh Berezin: Pale. Bubbly. I do not expect much from this beer. Despite its claims of being a "World Acclaimed" beer.
Mike Merrill: No, I expect it to be like Tsing Tao.
Josh Berezin: (tasting)
Mike Merrill: Yep... it tastes just like those beers you get at Thai restaurants.
Josh Berezin: I honestly can't complain. It's a little bit fruity.
Mike Merrill: Yeah, I like that beer.
Josh Berezin: It's good while you're drinking it. The aftertaste, well...
Mike Merrill: But in the context of a tasting, it's hard because there is less taste.
Josh Berezin: At least it's not strong.
Mike Merrill: I can pound this. A good beer when you are thirsty.
Josh Berezin: Isn't this sort of a fancy semi-expensive beer, though?
Mike Merrill: Like after playing softball
Josh Berezin: Busting out some Tigers after softball would be pretty badass, but honestly, you may as well pound PBRs.
Mike Merrill: Winners get Tigers, losers get Pabst.
Josh Berezin: Yes!
Mike Merrill: Cause of the foil and the medals on it.

49/1000: Inversion IPA by Deschutes Brewing of Bend, Oregon

Mike Merrill: Well, let's move on before this IPA gets warm... You know, I have this initial dread about IPAs... I know that is dumb.
Josh Berezin: It's okay, this one "defies the ordinary."
Mike Merrill: But I fear I won't like it.
Josh Berezin: "Like its name suggests." Invert your thinking, Mike.
Mike Merrill: Well... That certainly has more flavor!
Josh Berezin: You're really killing us, here, Mike, being a beer drinker/reviewer who doesn't like IPAs.
Mike Merrill: Any beer is going to be awesome after Tiger, but I like this!
Josh Berezin: Oh, that has tons of flavor! Mine's a little warm, because I don't think Plaid Pantry keeps their refrigerators on a very high setting. And that is working out great for me. We keep drinking beers too cold, we gotta stop that.
Mike Merrill: I really like the "finish" on this beer. CRISP!
Josh Berezin: I find this beer chewy the way a darker beer often is. But it's a far brighter flavor. It's clear and present.
Mike Merrill: I feel like the taste when it's in my mouth is a lot heavier than the after taste. Like a stout or something else heavy leave you all sticky
Josh Berezin: I don't mean to imply that it tastes medicinal, because it doesn't, but I could see prescribing this beer for a sick person. It seems like it would clear you out.
Mike Merrill: Is this a seasonal? Or can you get this all the time?
Josh Berezin: I think they always have this.
Mike Merrill: Cause next time i get sick, I'm going to try drinking this.
Josh Berezin: Give it a shot, let me know how it goes. In fact, I think I might be catching what Jessica's got, so maybe I should knock back a couple more of these. Confirmed: It's year-round.
Mike Merrill: Nice. I might have a favorite IPA.
Josh Berezin: Wow! But I can't help but think it will be knocked off that spot somewhere in the 950+ beers we have remaining in our quest.

Just 951 to go!

47/1000 Caldera Dry Hop Orange of Ashland, OR

JB: Ahh... Refreshing. Maybe that's due to the hike we just went on.
MM: I chugged it, I think it's the hike. It has a bite to it, a sharp aftertaste.
SS: It sits on my tongue a lot.
JB: I think a lot of more bitter beers do that.
MM: As opposed to the sticky or sweeter ones that go to the roof of your mouth? We had that with some stouts.
SS: I like the smell.
MM: I don't love this beer, but I like it.
JB: This beer is hard not to love. What would you want to be different about it?
SS: It's definitely one of the best-looking beers I've ever seen. It's a beautiful color.
MM: You would get a keg of this?
JB: In a second. Again: What would you change?
SS: To me, there's something that's slightly missing. It's kind of middle-of-the-road in that it's not bitter enough, or...
JB: I wouldn't mind if it had a note of citrus to it.
SS: I'm not getting the "Orange."
JB: I think that's just the color they're referring to.

Just 953 to go!

42/1000 Duchesse de Bourgogne
43/1000 Double Mountian Pale Ale
44/1000 Amnesia ESB
45/1000 Ninkasi Believer Double Red
46/1000 Caldera Old Growth Imperial Stout

Just 954 to go!

36/1000: CPB IPA

J: What is CPB?
M: I asked: Captured by Porches.
J: Oh! The small-time guy we talked about another time.
M: We haven't had this one before, have we?
J: I better check. [He checks.] We had their Amber.
M: Did we like it?
J: I better check. We found it sort of unremarkable but it might be due to the place in the flight, basically. So let's drink.
M: That tastes good just because I've been wanting to drink beer for a long time.
J: This seems like a Mikey kind of IPA.
M: I'm liking it.
J: Does it do that thing in your cheeks?
M: No. A little bit, as a deep aftertaste.
J: I just asked to make fun of you.
M: I know. But people like Nicole find that information useful. I also think it's sort of unremarkable.
J: But for you...
M: For me, in an IPA, that's a good thing. Captured by Porches is becoming a safe choice. I could order anything and expect a drinkable beer.
J: Well, that's a significant achievement. A lot of breweries have some shitty beers.

37/1000: Bison IPA

M: We did a Bison before, too, didn't we?
J: I'm not sure what to say about this.
M: It's different. It has a flavor.
J: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out.
M: But I don't know that I like it.
J: Well, I like it. I don't know if I like that particular flavor, but I like the beer. It takes a lot for me to not like a beer.
M: It tastes sort of dirty. I do find the beer entirely drinkable.
J: I expect to be a repeat customer of this.
M: You like the Bison more than the CPB?
J: Yeah.

[Mike brings more beers.]

J: Dark and light join forces!

38/1000: Fearless Cream Ale

M: And the other is the...

39/1000: Fort George Nut Red Ale

J: What is Nut Red?
M: I don't know.
J: "Nut red."
M: We should start with the cream.
J: [tastes] Not what I expected from a cream.
M: Why do I think of popcorn?
J: It's got the tiniest bit of that Belgian vibe. It's far more bitter than what I think of as a cream ale. Not that that makes it bitter.
M: I always think cream ale is going to be heavy.
J: I always think it's going to be smooth.
M: Are you ever afraid of them?
J: No... what does that mean?
M: Cause this one's fearless.
M: Would you get a keg of this cream ale? I only ask because it's the only keg of cream ale you might get a keg of.
J: I think I would. I'd need to have Jessica taste it, too.
M: So that's kind of exciting, for a cream ale.

J: Let's drink some nut red. I can't see you through it. Whoa, big flavor. Barleywine vibe.
M: It smells nutty, but I don't get a taste of that.
J: It's not required to taste nutty, or red, for that matter.
M: But I was surprised that it tasted nutty.
J: I think of a red ale as being...
M: Brighter?
J: Brighter and weaker. It's a chewy one.
M: I'm not that into it. I'm trying to figure out why.
J: I don't like the taste it leaves in my mouth. It's sticking to the roof. It makes my spit taste bad.
M: Where's Fort George? Washington
J: In the land of the Red Nuts.
M: Red skins, maybe? That's a Washington thing.

M: Get it, like "Girl Scout?"
J: I never would have gotten that. [drinks] Whoo! That is a party in my mouth.
M: We should call Willow ... This one's "chocolatey."
J: Yeah, it is. Smokiness. It's got something in common with smoked salmon. Are you getting that?
M: Kind of, off the smell.
J: It's also from the acidity.
M: It sort of tastes like the beer version of hot chocolate.
J: I'm going to have some hot chocolate when I get home. We have that illegal raw milk. Good for chocolate.
M: You should bring that into a cool coffee shop and have them steam it.
J: It would contaminate everything.
M: That's cool. Just burped that beer. It was not a beer burp. This does not really taste that much like beer.
J: You lost me there.
M: It tastes like it's made from a syrup.
J: The stickiness gets to you? I don't think it's as sweet as you're making it out to be.
M: Well, I find it a little off-putting.
J: Well, that's out of the way. I still say I liked it.

41/1000: Klamath Falls Imperial Cabin Fever Stout

J: Ooh, that's smooth and a bit citrusy. This is easy drinkin'.
M: Much easier than the Fort George. I like that citrusy bit.
J: Big winner, this beer.
M: I thought I would like something called a coffee stout more than something about cabin fever. But don't judge a beer by its clever name. People should get this beer. If they want a dark beer, or a stout, they should get this one.
J: It seems like a great place to start, at least.
M: This is certainly better than Guinness.
J: And it's not way more challenging than Guinness.
M: There's more flavor, but that's not saying much. It's funny -- Guinness is only exotic in the context of shitty American beers.
J: Yeah, but I have the feeling that Klamath Falls Imperial Cabin Fever Stout is not going to overtake Guinness any time soon.
M: That's probably true.

Just 959 to go!

32/1000 Bison Brewing Farmhouse Ale

JB: Farmhouse is a Belgian style, I think. There's a beer tasting coming up that goes over the different Belgian styles.
KM [tasting]: You're right! I think it's a sign of progress that I can taste that and say, "That's Belgian Style!" And I like it more now that I've tasted a bunch of beers that I don't like. Do you get a sense of the Lambic from that?
JB: It has a touch of sourness, but nowhere near. But yeah, you're placing it on the spectrum.
KM: And now that I've learned that it progresses so far... Would you say this is a particularly good Farmhouse?
JB: I think it's delicious! It has a clear identity but it's not smacking you around.
KM: I'm interested to know what other beers they make. They did this very well!

33/1000 Weed Pale Ale

JB: Well, doesn't taste like weed. Was that too obvious? I have no idea what the story behind the name is.
KM: It's really mild.
JB: I wouldn't say it's mild. I think it's on the bitter and hoppy side. It's sticking to the roof of my mouth.
KM: [hesitates]
JB: We don't have to agree.
KM: Yeah, more on the aftertaste though, more than drinking it.
JB: I don't know. This beer?
KM: I find it underwhelming.
JB: That is what I was trying to express. I don't need to be whelmed by every beer, to like it.
KM: And I'm not disappointed by it...
JB: I would certainly try another beer from the brewery.

34/1000 Stone Brewing 11th Anniversary

JB: It's a "dark IPA?" What is that! I have never heard of that and I'm very excited.
KM: It's like it's an evil IPA.
JB: Chewy. Sort of sweet. IPA, though?
KM: It's more like some of those porters that we were drinking.
JB: What makes them call this an IPA?
KM: Maybe it's got that IPA bitterness and hoppiness, but the darkness is masking it. What makes a beer dark?
JB: I really don't know. This is something we should learn. Is it malt-related?
KM: Is it process-related? Belgians are always kind of the same color, that murky golden color.
JB: All that aside, I think this tastes great.
KM: I like this more than most IPAs, but it's not much like an IPA. And I don't generally like IPAs.
JB: You shouldn't admit that.
KM: I don't like them, "yet." I'm learning to like them.
JB: Man, I want to know more about this beer.
KM: Mmm. It burps like an IPA. You don't see that on the beer web sites, how they burp.
JB: Way easier to rate than color!
KM: And it's a natural part of beer drinking!

35/1000 Alameda IPA

JB: I pronounce this, a lovely and mild IPA. Almost delicate. For an IPA.
KM: It doesn't seem like an especially remarkable IPA. But it's good. What's the deal with Alameda?
JB: They're local.
KM: What's the McMenamin's IPA? This reminds me of that. It's like a less sticky Hammerhead. There are IPAs that are very interesting but maybe hard to drink, and those that are more like a session beer, but it's weird to find one that's right in the middle. "Yeah, that's an IPA." This project really makes you question beer creation. Why create a middle-ground IPA?
JB: We should email them. "Uh, what's the deal with your IPA?"
KM: I can't really determine how to judge it if I don't know what they were aiming for.

Just 965 more to go!

JB: Today we have the two hottest beers in the world right now. We have several bottles of the prized Full Sail Top Sail and the Deschutes Brewery's The Abyss.
JR: The Full Sail has a lot of gold on the label, which I like very much. The wax on The Abyss is making it really hard to get our beer! Is that part of the strategy?
JB: I'm just excited that we have these, and some other people don't. And they'll never be able to get them.
JR: That feeling is why you paid ten dollars a bottle!
MM, struggling to open The Abyss: There's another layer of wax under the first layer!

30/1000: Deschutes Brewery's The Abyss, of Bend, Oregon

MM, pouring: It's thick, like blood.
WM: Chocolaty.
JR: It's so intense, I wouldn't want to drink a normal amount of this beer.
MM: "It's dark, it's deep, it's mysterious. The Abyss beckons. Enjoy the journey."
WM: I like the taste of it, but I'm afraid it would give me a stomachache.
JB: I hope you all like it, because I bought several bottles. I think I'll age them.
MM: Do you think they'll age well?
JB: I have no idea. Can you do that?
JR: I'm going to let mine come up to temperature, I think it's too cold.

31/1000: Full Sail Top Sail, of Hood River, Oregon

MM: It's weird that these both came out at the same time.
JR: I don't think one or the other stole the idea, but both picked up on the same trend.
JR: Oh this tastes very different. Almost fruity.
WM: Chocolaty.
JR: It's a lot less bitter. Intense and filling. They both are.
MM: I like this one a lot better. Like coconut.
JB: The fact that the Top Sail is not as cold is making a big different. The The Abyss has more flavor than we're getting from it.
JB: These are definitely both winners. Compared to the ones in the porter tasting we just did, these are both so clearly good.
JR: Okay, so these are excellent and crazy beers.
JB: I don't think they're that crazy.
JR: I'm having trouble drinking all that I have. Josh, you're just going to down it?
JB: Yeah!

Just 969 to go!

Date: Sunday, January 27, 2008
Time: 8:00 PM
Location: Cabel and Nicole's House

In attendance:
Mike Merrill
Josh Berezin (paying)
Jessica Roberts
Willow McCormick
Alison Halter
Cabel Sasser
Nicole Buswell

25/1000: OK Beer Okocim Full Pale Piwo Jasne Pelne of Poland

CS: Should we get coasters? Nah, we don't need them. Ah, why not?!
JB: That beer smells bad! We kind of knew this would be bad. Oh, but it tastes way better than it smells. Simple and sweet.
CS: I think it smells good!
JB: It was skunky-smelling when you opened it.
JR: This is definitely a cheap European beer.
NB: Oh my gosh, it's good! It's flowery. It tastes like flowers. It's perfumey.
JB: Maybe we're drinking crazy beers in our quest to have 1000, but I'm not getting a lot of taste off it.
JR: It's watery.
NB: I don't like a hoppy beer.
JB: What do you think, Willow?
WM: Last time I read my comments, I sounded stupid. I'm not participating in the comment section today. [To Jessica:] Stop pushing those tato skins at me!
JR: I would never drink this beer again.
JB: I like the packaging, and I like the taste of it. I would drink it here at Cabel and Nicole's.

26/1000: Dick's Lava Rock Porter of Centralia, WA

JB: Now we begin the porter tasting segment of our evening. We have four porters.
CS: That is terrible packaging. "Dick's!"
JR: The dull gray...
CS: Was this printed on a laserjet?
JB: This is a weird-tasting beer.
JR: It's sharp and tangy. It doesn't have that mellow, round, dark flavor of porters.
CS: I got some smoke, there.
JB: Tangy is definitely the word!
MM: It tastes like there's dirt in it.
JR: Am I allowed to dislike two beers in a row?
MM: I don't like this at all. It's really dirty!
JB: I was trying to like it even though it didn't taste like a porter -- to try to like it in a different context. But I couldn't do it. I'm going to keep trying. [Everyone pours their dregs into Josh's glass.]
JR: Chug a dirt! Chug a dirt! Chug a dirt!

27/1000: Planet Porter, by Boulder Beer of Boulder, CO

MM: Colorado's first microbrewery!
WM: What's that called?
MM: Boulder Beer...
JR: Okay, this tastes like a porter.
WM: It's chocolatey.
NB: I don't like this kind of beer.
CS: You don't like a dark beer.
NB: I'm racist.
JR: This is no Black Butte Porter, but it's along the same lines. It's not as harmonious.
MM: It's more watery.
JB: It's got a nice chewiness. And it's sticking to my mouth. I mean, this is not likely to be my go-to beer.
MM: For people in Colorado, this is going to be fine.

28/1000: Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter of Denver, CO

JB: That is an aggro label. What's he saying, "OK, let's party?" But he's a skeleton or something.
MM: It's got a Hunter S Thompson quote on it.
CS: Whoa, fruit-town! That's not just me, right? Is there supposed to be fruit up in there?
JB: In the aftertaste, I really get that.
NB: It's raisiny. Pruney. I like the flavors, but the bitterness goes too far.
MM: This is the best one we've had so far.
JB: I think it's too sweet. Well, it doesn't finish sweet, but it starts sweet.
JR: I get a harsh chemical impression from it.
MM: Does it have a high alcohol content? This label is so schizophrenic, I can't figure it out.
JB: This beer is more of an adventure than the others.

29/1000: Anchor Porter of San Francisco, CA

MM: I think this is going to be our favorite. They make beers designed for people to like, and to not be weird.
JB: Yeah, it's chalky and smooth and not too sweet.
NB: It smells like a chocolate coffee candy.
JR: We ended with the right one.
CS: That is tasty.
NB: It's not bitter in the back of your mouth.
CS: Nicole is our bitter expert.

Just 971 to go!